Saturday, December 31, 2005

Quote

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

Albert Einstein

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The List!


I promised a Top 25 List.

I am here to deliver it.

Before you dive in and check out the random selection of artists, I must first say that this probably isn't the end all of my favorite songs. I honestly don't know if I could narrow it down. It's so fucking hard to actually choose a single song. This is about as close as I can get though. I think my top 50 would probably seem cooler because I left out a lot of bands that I fucking love.

I guess for the most part these are songs that have sentimental value to me or I just think they're really fucking cool. They span the music that I have heard my whole life. Some of these songs are probably great works of art, some explain how I feel about life and others just so happened to be at the right place at the right time. There is no particular order to my list. That would probably be impossible or give me a nervous break down to try and slot them in an order. I also decided to group more than one song if I had multiple favorites by the same artist. It's kind of cheating, but it's my list and i'll do what I want.

I hope you enjoy!


1. Everlong – The Foo Fighters

  1. If I Give My Soul/Drive On/Understand Your Man – Johnny Cash

  2. It Ain't Me Babe/Don't Think Twice, It's Alright – Bob Dylan

  3. Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley

  4. Just Like Heaven – The Cure

  5. Graceland – Paul Simon

  6. California Stars/She's a Jar/Shot in the Arm/Via Chicago – Wilco

  7. Fortunate Son – CCR

  8. Break the Glass – The Suicide Machines

  9. Journey to the End of the East Bay – Rancid

  10. Outlaw Heart – Tiger Army

  11. Get Down – Nas

  12. New Noise – Refused

  13. Rave On - Buddy Holly

  14. Under Pressure – Queen/ David Bowie

  15. Everything In It's Right Place/Fake Plastic Trees – Radiohead

  16. My Name Is Jonas/El Scorcho – Weezer

  17. Renegade/Square Dance – Eminem/Jay-Z

  18. Sascha – Jolie Holland

  19. For a Fair Desire – Zao

  20. I Need You/Stop Your Sobbing – The Kinks

  21. Single Second/Total Immortal – AFI

  22. Track 1 – Sigur Ros - The ( ) Album

  23. Pints of Guinness Make You Strong/Pretty Girls – Against Me!

  24. Knowledge/Jaded – Operation Ivy

Friday, December 16, 2005

Top 25

Holy Shit, seriously!

I have not stopped moving since before I got strep throat. My life feels like a non-stop flight through permutation and pandemonium. It's good though. There's alot of life changing events that are coming down the pipeline for me.

I'll get to that soon though.

As for this weekend i'm dealing with an issue that is on a grand scale.

I am going to make a list of my top 25 favorite songs of all-time. You might be thinking to yourself that Johnny C. is a fucking fruit cake and there is no way in hell that he is going to tackle this debacle of an idea, but oh yes I am.

I was speaking with some younger co-workers today who in my opinion have a pretty bad taste in music. So I challenged them to come back on Monday with their top 25 favorite songs of all-time. I also agreed to this homework since I am the teacher. I'm looking forward to the comparisons.

I will hopefully be back on Monday with some great top 25 lists. I have a feeling I will probably despise their lists, but I'm going to put alot of work into mine and see what I can come up with.

Stay Tuned!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Welcome back to Never Land Pan the Man!

Remember in the movie "Hook" when Peter (Pan) Banning is hanging out with the Lost Boys after Tinkerbelle has drug his ass to Never Land to rescue his children? Well, if you don't recall then you must rent the movie. It's Christmas time movie and it's glorious. I was raised watching this movie.

Anyway, there is a scene when Peter has just met the boys and they have chased him all over their hide out because they think he is a pirate. Tinkerbelle keeps trying to convince them that he is Peter Pan, but they just can't see it due to him getting old and fat. One of the younger looking boys who proves later to be pretty wise starts pushing on Peter's face looking for the Peter Pan that he once knew. After a minute of so of staring at him and pushing and tightening Peter's face, he finally exclaims "There you are Peter". The other Lost Boys join in and realize that it is their long lost leader, Peter Pan.

I always loved that scene when I was a boy, but tonight I felt like Peter Banning. I'm in disbelief of who I am. I have left Never Land to pursue other ventures and have forgotten who I am. I've always known who I am, but in a sense, fight it everyday. I have my reaons good and bad, well maybe not good, but I justify it as being good in my mind because to achieve the status of "Peter Pan" it will take alot of sacrifices that I'm not sure that I am ready to make or even attempt to make for that matter.

It's nice to be recognized though.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll try learning how to "crow" again.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Vacate the premises

Due to the lingering sore throat from this past weekend's sickness that kept me on my ass for the better part of 3 days, I deicded to go to the Doctor today to see what was up. Here's the deal though, I'm not sick anymore. My throat is just bothersome and i'm still having to eat soup. That's kind of sick, minus the part where I don't feel bad.

Anyway, I go to see the Doc, well, actually one of his many lovely nurses and she informs me that I do in fact have strep throat. I figured I did, but I just wanted to be on the safe side since I've never had it before. The problem with strep throat is that you're contagious until you've had the antibiotics in your system for 24 hours.

I called my boss and let him know the deal and he proceeded to send me home. I felt pretty bad about it since i'm totally capable of working and I had to take Monday off due to actually being sick. It's understandable though, better to send me home then to get the whole office infected. So pretty much I have the next day and a half off.

Not sure what I'm going to do yet, but it basically involves me and oh yeah, me.

Maybe i'll post some pictures before my throat actually heals up!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Letter of Violation

Mr. Carroll,

We have noticed some unsatisfactory behavior from you in the last couple of weeks. The levels of smoke have been excessive in the airways and the water pipes have been clogged on numerous occasions through liquid stimulants. To go along with these code violations you have also been pushing the chassis to new levels of exhaustion and fatigue.

You have given us no choice, but to fine you for your unruly conduct on our time. Your expenditure will be through solitary confinement on the following dates. Dec.2 2005 – Dec.4 2005. If we feel that you have not been rehabilitated by this time we will extend your sentence.


Sincerely,

Management

Friday, December 02, 2005

Obituary

Sometimes when I get bored or just start wondering about someone I'll plug their name into Google and spend the next hour looking up everyone that comes to my mind. Today I was looking up my cousins in KY that I haven't spoken with in a couple of years. I didn't find much on them, but I did find my Great-Grand Father's Obituary. It's amazing the amount of people that were created due to him and my Great-Grand Mother. I'm grateful that they liked to procreate. I wouldn't be here other wise.

Seriously though, He was a good man. I didn't get to spend alot of time with him since he lived in the mountains, but it was enough for me to know that he loved all of his children, grand children, great grand children and great-great grand children.

In Rememberance of Papaw:

The Pineville Sun, November 20, 2003
ELIJAH HENSLEY

Elijah Hensley, 87, of Pathfork, passed away on Thursday, November 6,
2003 at Baptist Regional Medical Center in Corbin. He was the son of the late
Sherman and Nicey Ann Hensley, born on April 28, 1916 at Cubbage, KY, and was
married to Anna Scott Hensley on August 31, 1933. He had been a coal miner,
member of UMWA and a member of the Pathfork Holiness Church.
In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by brothers,
Herbert, Wallace and Oscar Hensley and sisters, Adline Marcum, Gladys Harmon
and Shirley Mullins.
Survivors include his wife of seventy years Anna Scott Hensley,
children, Cosette (Larry) Brock of Corbin, Myrtle (Bob) Carroll of Florence,
Dorothy (John) Fleming, Anaheim, CA, Erma (Orbin) Howard, Calloway, Willene
Stoltenberg, Knoxville, TN, Thelma (James) Neal of Hulen, Lana (Harry) McPeek
of Corbin, Charlotte (Glen) Helton of Hulen, Lawrence (Katherine) Hensley of
Pathfork, Rabon (Sherri) Hensley of Union and Robert (Karen) Hensley of Moncks
Corner, SC; 35 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, 15 great-great
grandchildren; brother William Sherman Hensley, Jr., of Ocala, FL; sister,
Hassie Hensley Lewis of Christiansburg , VA.
Services were held on Sunday, November 9 at Pathfork Holiness Church
with Rev. Everett Eads, Rev. J. C. Craig and Rev. Robert Lee. Burial followed
in the Saylor Cemetery at Pathfork. His grandsons were pallbearers.
Donations may be made to the Alzheimer’s Association-
Lexington/Bluegrass Chapter 386, Euclid Ave., Suite 100, Lexington, KY 40502
or to the National Parkinson’s Foundation, P.O. Box 450, Hunington Valley, PA
19006.
The family received friends on Tuesday at Arnett & Steele Funeral
Home, Pineville and until the funeral hour Wednesday at the church in Pathfork.
Arnett & Steele Funeral Home, Pineville was in charge of all
arrangements. Guestbook at www.arnettsteele.com.

Source: The Pineville Sun, Thursday, November 20, 2003

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Duality of Man

Pogue Colonel: Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
Private Joker: A peace symbol, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Where'd you get it?
Private Joker: I don't remember, sir.
Pogue Colonel: What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Private Joker: "Born to Kill", sir.
Pogue Colonel: You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
Private Joker: No, sir.
Pogue Colonel: You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Private Joker: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Pogue Colonel: The what?
Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Whose side are you on, son?
Private Joker: Our side, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Don't you love your country?
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?
Private Joker: Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Private Joker: Aye-aye, sir.

This is one of my favorite scenes in Full Metal Jacket.

The Duality of man!

I think I kind of understand that. I think that's why I love Johnny Cash so much. One minute he's singing songs about killing men in Reno just to watch them die to Swing Low Sweet Chariot. I can identify with that as sick as it may sound.

Sometimes I want to put someone in their place and tell them to fuck off. Then when I walk away and have a chance to think about it all I realize that God loves that person just as much as He loves me regardless of whether they're an asshole or not. Shit, I'm an asshole, but he still gives me grace.

We're all assholes sometimes and God brings the heavenly toilet paper to wipe our asses. Now you might think that that's disgusting and degrading to God, but I don't. Jesus washed all of the disiples feet and as low and filthy as I may be sometimes I know God would wipe my ass.

I'm thankful for that. Now just to follow his example. How can I help wipe the asses of society?

Done with all of the shit talk. Back to the duality of man.

Regardless of whether you want to shoot someone down in the street or help a little old lady cross the street We all have that dual nature. The Bible refers to it for the Christian types as the Spirit and the Flesh. It's such an interesting subject to me that Paul covers in Romans.

He says not to gratify the lusts of your sinful nature(flesh), but to walk in the Spirit. One thing that he says that alot of people can't comprehend is that if you don't gratify the lusts of your flesh that you will walk in the spirit and not sin. So we don't have to sin?

Honestly, what would be the point of a salvation and a God who freed us from sin if we couldn't not sin. Now I know that not sinning is not the objective. The objective is to Love God and your neighbor as yourself, but Jesus said if you do these things that you won't break the ten commandments. Which in turn means you won't sin. Isn't that crazy?

I may sound like a heretic right now talking about God wiping my ass and not sinning, but that's the greatest thing about God. I think he'll help me do both of these things.

Now if you think everything I've said is crazy, just remember that it's not about arriving. It's about the journey. That's where my faith lies.

God is perfecting my faith and I just need to keep working out my salvation through fear and trembling.

This is why I love God. I think I could have a conversation with Him about all of this stuff and I think he would be excited that I would be getting it. Church folks would probably think I'm crazy, but God bless those people. I think they need their eyes opened up just as much as they think all of the "sinners" out in the world do.

Jesus loved the sinners and I do to, mainly because i'm one of them.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Message.

"I'm sorry I'm away from my blog right now, but if you leave me a message i'll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks"

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Regression of Despression

Alright,

Sorry about the short hiatus of depression there. I handle it much differently than most though. Being the extrovert that I am it's not very often that I get down, but being the analyzer that I am, when I am down and out I pull it apart and find the root of the problem. I know what has caused this pain in my heart. I know why my mind has not been awake, but been an all consuming thunder storm of thoughts.

As sick as it may sound I don't completely mind going through these stages. I just experiment with it. As always though, I pick myself up and get back to it. I'm an extrovert, a cancer, a rooster...remember? Now you might think that all of my problems are resolved. Actually, none of them are, but it's alright. I've finally found the strength through my experimentation of my thoughts to figure out how to handle everything.

Like I orignally thought, Everything is going to be alright, whether these issues turn out the way I want them to or the way God has intended them to work out.

I use to have a saying a couple of years ago, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...or bitter". I don't like being bitter. It takes too much work. It's not worth it. There's so much more in this life to be happy about. I don't feel like keeping up with what makes me mad or who has pissed me off this week. It's too much to handle or try to control.

We must always remember that there is a reason things don't work out the way we want them too and that it's ok not to get what you want, even though it destroys us at the moment. I think in most cases it works out for the best that we don't get what we think we MUST have. I know what I need and I already have it. Whether I get more of that is up to me. This does not depend on anyone, but me.

I control my own destiny on this one.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

How Low.

Now I wake up around 4 or 5.
Eat, shower, and get dressed in about an hour's time.
Take my vitamins, check my messages, and call around to some friends,
make plans for dinner and drinks sometime after 9:00.
Oh we're definitely going to call it in early tonight.
Well, I need to dry out and take some time to clear my mind.
Now before you know it here I am again, it's fucking 2:00 in the morning,
standing in a bar, with a drink in hand.

How low can you go before you can't turn around?

Now seriously, this is my last and final time.
Well I'm making some big, big changes in my life.
No, you won't catch me down here again, waiting to score sweaty money palmed into my hand.
What the fuck are you cutting this with anyway?
Because I have got some really, really big plans.
And today's the day I'm putting them into action.
But before you know it, here I am again. It's fucking 6:00 in the morning.
Rolled up dollar bill in my hand.

How low can you go before you can't turn around?

And I'm sick of feeling like I'm losing my mind.
Sick of doing the same things night after night.
Sick of self-loathing and self-absorbtion,
self-destructive narcissism.
I'm sick to death of being constantly fucking sick of.

I don't know who I can trust.
Thought there was us, now there is no one.





by Against Me!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Self Destruction through Mass Consumption


She was worth the pain, but I’m not worth her tears.

A Carton of Camel Lights costs about $25 plus tax.

A shot of Jaeger, two shots of Sailor Jerry Rum, two Guinness’s and two Bass’s is worth $33 plus tip.

Two tickets to see Walk the Line is worth $17.

A flask full of Jaeger snuck into a movie theatre is only worth about $10, but probably worth more if you get caught.

Seeing my hero depicted on the Big Screen is more than priceless though.

“You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

“Maybe I am.”

Maybe I’ve been to too many already.

Maybesomepeopleslivesfeellikelivingfunerals.

"I have not had sexual relations with that woman."

Don’t lie to you wife. (Don’t be fucking someone else on her time.)

Don’t lie to your friends. (They’re not that naive.)

Don’t lie to your family. (I’ve known you my whole life. I can see right through your bullshit. Maybe one day I’ll tell you, but it won’t matter.)

I’ve walked the line.

I will walk it again… and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and I gain and I gain I gain and I gain and I gain and I gain and a gin and a gin and a gin and a gin and a gin and a gin and a gin and a gin will help me to do so.


I’m ready for the Holidays!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Pretty Girls.

What are you gonna say when she picks up the phone?
Should you leave a message if she's not at home?
I wanted to know if you'd like to see a movie or get a drink.
It would be cool just to be in your company.
But if she says yes know what intentions might be.
If one thing leads to another and there's some chemistry.
You cannot lie, you have to tell the truth.
You have to explain why this could never be, because

There are things that cannot be undone.
There are mistakes that will never be forgiven.
Sometimes at night, I pray to wake a different person in a different place.

Maybe we could just be friends.
I'm being a bit presumptuous.
The stomach churns, the mind starts to race.
You nervously start to exaggerate.
I just want to be young, I want to live.
I want to be healthy,
I don't want this problem.
You wouldn't think something like irresponsibility,
would complicate something like asking for a girl's company.

But there are things you must accept as said and done.
There are truths you must learn to confront.
You can pray all night and day.
You'll always wake the same person in the same place.

Drunk mouth ruined it again.
Sometimes I say the dumbest things.
Baby it's not you specifically it could be anybody.
I've gone and built this up in my head and now it's all already over.
It's all ready before it ever started.




Monday, November 14, 2005

This post will probably not get me any dates.

After thinking about poets today that write about love this thought crossed my mind: Are Poets similar to love sick juveniles who can't control their feelings and emotions and must display what they're feeling on paper? Or are these feelings and emotions lasting?

Maybe I'm maimed in my heart and cannot fathom carrying around a love like this for another soul for such a long period of time. I love my family and friends, but the love they speak of is so much more ...grueling. I wonder if throbbing might define it better, regardless, It's fucking painful is what it is. If these feelings are lasting I wonder if I'm missing something. Maybe it's all bullshit, but then again maybe I missed the boat on this one.

Does passion truly remain through the years? It's not as though I am some ignorant young boy(all the time) who doesn't get it. I fucking get it. Relationships take work and practice and all of that other shit that for some reason I fail with miserably.


Maybe. I've just never met the right person.

Maybe, I don't care enough.

Maybe: I'm lying to myself.

Maybe; I'm completely relationally inept.

Maybe, just maybe I'm fucking clueless.


Here's a poem by E.E. Cummings that makes me sick to my stomach.



i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)




Somedays I think poets and anyone who writes love songs
are out of their fucking minds.
Most days though, I kind of have to agree with them.

When I grow up I want to be a...

When I was a little boy I always thought that being a lawyer would be kind of cool because you got to argue all day long and prove everyone wrong. I liked to argue and I was pretty quick even at a young age. It sounded like a good deal to me. It’s interesting how a young mind works. I don’t think my heart would agree with the stress these days. Along with a slew of other thoughts I have about the justice system.

When I got a little older I wanted to be a professional basketball player. I think at best I would’ve made a Division II school if I hadn’t moved away from the school that I wanted to play for. Let’s be honest though, I’m 6’1” and I have very short arms. I can dribble and pass like a pro, but guys like me are a dime a dozen. It’s ok, I’m not upset about it.

After that I wanted to become a Pastor of some sort. I wanted to get my BFA in Theology and go to Seminary. Somewhere along the line I became jaded about my faith in the church. My faith in God has always remained the same. Yes, the good Lord and I have had it out, but I think it was needed. I’m not going to hide how I feel about something, especially to God. He already knows anyway. Anyway, for some reason I think a church board or even possibly the members would throw me out of the church for some legalistic reason or two. I wouldn’t be kicked out for accepting people though. It seems to me that is one of the churches biggest issues these days.

So here I am. I’m 24. This is kind of the part where I’m supposed to be on the fast track to whatever the hell I’m supposed to be doing in my life. I just can’t figure it out though. I get all of this pressure from friends and family about going to school. I think school is a good idea, but I have some thoughts about school. I don’t think that school makes people more intelligent though. If you just try to get the grade, but don’t try to learn then you’re not going to retain any of it. I don’t want to go to school for grades. I would want to go to retain knowledge.

I don’t want to be a part of corporate America either. The little bit of it I am apart of makes me sick and disturbed. I hate fucking politics. I don’t want to deal with them on any level, but they are in every aspect of life on every level.

So here’s the great dilemma, what the fuck does Johnny C. do with his life?

I’ve accepted that I’m probably not going to have much money in my life and I’m quite content with that. Happiness is key, but I want something deeper than that. I want fulfillment and joy. Joy goes beyond happiness. Happiness is based on feelings and emotions due to your current circumstances, but Joy is what gives you that peace that truly surpasses all understanding. That’s what I want. No can touch that. The only person who can affect the status of my joy, is me.

When it comes to my life and my career I might just to have to quote my mother.

“ Johnny, some of the neatest people I know are 50 and still not sure what they want to do with their lives. They’re so well-rounded because they’ve tried a little bit of everything. Don't worry about what you want to do, just figure it out along the way."

I think being a Jack of all trades just might suit me.

Thanks Mom!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Johnny Cash - The Discovery

I’m not sure how it even came about. Maybe it was a conversation with an acquaintance or maybe I saw something on television. I just decided one day that I wanted to listen to Johnny Cash. My Dad had raised me on John Fogerty, Paul Simon and had always talked about Bob Dylan, but I don’t think we listened to him because my Mom wasn’t a Bob Dylan fan.

I remember going on family vacations listening to “Put me in Coach” by Fogerty and the entire “Graceland” album by Paul Simon. They are both still favorites of mine. My brother still likes Paul Simon, but I don’t think he ever got into CCR. Maybe I’ll help him on that one.

It was probably a God given urge to listen to Cash. I was 18 and I had a fire in my belly to listen to him. So I drove all around town one night looking for the “Love, God, Murder” box set that had recently come out. I couldn’t find it anywhere so I settled for an older three disc box set with his classics. I was instantaneously hooked. Listening to “Ring of Fire”, “Walk the Line” and “Cry, Cry, Cry” got me excited. It had something that a lot of the music I was listening to at the time didn’t have. Maybe it was character? Maybe it was the fact that I had decided to check this out on my own with out much motivation from others.

Within months Johnny Cash was one of my favorite artists of all-time, right up there with Buddy Holly. When people would find out that I liked Johnny Cash they always found it amusing since I was so young, but since I was 16 I had acquired a taste for music from before my time. I loved 50’s rock n’ roll and rockabilly, so naturally, Cash was the next step.

Johnny Cash influenced me early on, not because of his style of music, but because of what he stood for. I was a punk rock kid. I wasn’t very rebellious, but I definitely stuck out. I had no problem with that, because I kind of always have stuck out. Johnny Cash was the Man in Black. He was the blue collar hero. He stuck out in a world of rock stardom and glamour. He always remained the same though with his attitude towards that life style and a lot of people didn’t understand that. I must admit I didn’t realize much of this myself at the time since the only thing I knew about him was what he said in his songs.

This was the beginning of my relationship with Johnny Cash. I had no idea at the time how much he was going to influence my life over the next few years, but I’m glad I stumbled on to the Solitary Man. Like a Grandfather with his crazy stories and words of wisdom, I’m truly a better person because of him.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

My name has been changed!

I don’t know what the deal is, but sometimes I feel like Rob Schneider’s character on Saturday Night Live who gives everyone nick names. I’ve been doing it for years. I don’t necessarily give mean nick names either they’re usually pretty fitting to the person.

I remember when I was in high school I actually went down the roster of the Varsity Basketball Team and gave everyone a nick name. The other point guard who had no game, but was a coach favorite was given the name Bubbles. We didn’t really ever call him that though. His real name was Gary Lilly and due to his incomplete floor leading skills (committing turnovers left and right) we went with a name a little more suitable for our ball hogging companion. Gary Turnover, similar to cherry turnover, not very creative but it was a riot because we all knew the truth.

I too was given nick names on the basketball team. Since I was known for my outlandish passes in Varsity games that the coaches tended to dislike and since my favorite player was Pete Maravich I was called “Pistol” from time to time. Also, Due to the cold Kentucky winters and my stylish white boy self, the majority of the basketball season I wore knee high socks in games. I would often times hear the other team unoriginally calling me “socks”. I was quite alright with these nicks names considering only a couple of years earlier and before I had honed my basketball abilities, I was referred to as “Spazz” on a daily basis. I’ll take “Sox” over “Spazz” any day of the week.

As I’ve gotten older though, most of my nick names revolve around my first name, John. Well, as you already know, Johnny. I did not create the nick name Johnny C. as some of you might assume, but one of my old bosses coined this nick name for me. It’s funny because I was never called Johnny C. until I was 18. I was starting my first “real” job after high school and I was pretty nervous about working there, but Adam (my boss) made me feel like part of the family. Adam passed away a couple of years ago and one day I’ll talk about it, but ever since he gave me the name I’ve always been cool with being called Johnny C. I still work for that company and I’m still called Johnny C. everyday.

Other variations of Johnny “insert something clever, witty or mean here” have come up over the years as well. Let’s start the list:

Johnny “Heartbreak” – This was an old screen name I created when I was in high school because I was obsessed with the 50's and for some reason some people still call me this name. I will admit that I have broken some hearts in my day, but I was no Fonz!

Johnny “Shotgun” – I can’t even remember. It wasn’t for my beer drinking skills, though I wish it was. Maybe I’ll try to bring this one back. Kind of like Frank the Tank!

Johnny “on the spot” – These are port-o-potties. We were at a huge music festival. Boredom ensued.

“Stuck at the Waffle House” Johnny “on the spot” – This was in the era of me being called Johnny “on the spot” and I was supposed to meet up with some friends one night. I was dropped off at a Waffle House and was waiting on my friend to pick me up. He was in a movie though and wasn’t answering his pager. I was stuck at a Waffle House for three hours. I still cringe when I hear that nick name.

J.C. – First initial. Last Initial. Not very creative and not a Johnny name, but the Son of God and I have something in common. I had to list it.

I’m sure I’ve been called a plethora of other nick names, good and bad over the years, but these seem to stick out the most. I’m sure I’ll obtain many more nicknames by the time my life is over. I’m just hoping they have nothing to do with port-o-potties or Waffle Houses!

And by the way, if you want a nick name i'd be more than happy to make one up for you...

::Sinister Villain Laugh::

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Love your neighbor as yourself...

What’s my motivation? Why do I do what I do? Why are we such a comparative people? Why do we gather our self-worth from other’s approval ratings of us? What do they have that we don’t? Why do we want that? Why do we have what other people don’t? Why do they want that? Why do we feel the need to be right? Why do I allow myself to be ranked by others? Why do others allow me to rank them? Why do I strive for acceptance? Why must others being accepted by me?


This sick game will never go away.


Fuck comparisons. Fuck approval. Fuck being superior. Fuck the social ladder that we feel like we must climb. Fuck having to be right. Fuck being judgmental Fuck being pretentious. Fuck fitting in.


Everyone’s trying to fit in.

High Rolling in my own mind...

14 hours on your feet makes for a long day. I’m not complaining though. The money is good and who doesn’t like to have dinner and a lot of beer for free? No, I haven’t started stripping, but damn those girls sure do make a lot of money. Recently one of my friends and I have started running a weekly poker game that we used to play every week.

We became good friends with the last guy who ran the show and he wanted to move on. So we decided to step up. It’s a good deal because we switch back and forth each week so if one of us wants to play we’re more than welcome to do so.

On top of running this game we’ve decided that we’re going to try and pick up three more games, so we’ll both have two a week. Hopefully, this will result in an extra $250 a week for both of us, which if you do the kindergarten math equals to $1000 a month, which ultimately would be an extra $12k a year. I’m going to call it $10k though since holidays and vacations come up.

We’ve pretty much landed the second game already and we have a third in the works. I think we’ll know about the fourth here this week as well. It’s kind of exciting to have a side business where we can make some quick cash and have fun doing it. Not a lot of people get that opportunity with second jobs. Most people work second jobs because they have to. We’re just doing this because 1. We would be there playing poker anyway. 2. I don’t want to be in debt forever. This seems like a pretty good way to catch up on my unruly credit card bills.

I’ve done some basic figures in my head and I think I could have all of my credit card bills paid off in 8 months and have over $3k in the bank if I don’t blow the poker money on crap. Things come up though. Cars break. Eyes need glasses. Action figures must be purchased (a.k.a. Crap).


Here’s to wishful thinking!

Monday, October 31, 2005

I want to suck you blood...

"I went to the Doctor the other day and all he wanted to do was drain blood out of my neck...

That's the last time I go to Dr. Acula."


-Mitch Hedberg


Friday, October 28, 2005

I Remember Halloween...

TOP 5 Halloween Songs!

Here they are in all of their glory. It took me a while to come up with this list. A couple of them we’re already on the list from past years, but I thought long and hard about a couple of them.

Behold:

5. “Thriller” Michael Jackson

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Jack-O was the man back in the day, but now he’s creepy without a make-up artist. He maybe a sicko, but that mofo could dance and make one of the best Halloween songs of all-time. MJ, you scare me, but welcome to the top 5.

4. “Thirteen” Johnny Cash

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This is actually a Danzig cover, but Johnny is my main man, so I had to find a way to sneak him onto the list. I almost canned this song, but after listening to the lyrics last night I decided that it was a definite keeper. Enjoy the lyrics:

Bad luck wind been blowing at my back
I was born to bring trouble to wherever
I'm at Got the number thirteen tattooed on my neck
When the ink starts to itch, then the black will turn to red

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young

Got a long line of heartache
I carry it well
The list of lives
I've broken reach from here to hell
Back luck been blowing at my back
I pray you don't look at me, I pray I don't look back

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young
They just gave me the number when I was young

3. “American Werewolf/All the Way to the Blood Bank” Blaster the Rocket Man

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This is actually two songs, but they tied and it’s my list and I can do whatever I want. Blaster has been one of my favorite punk rock bands since high school. They sing songs about aliens,were wolves and things that go bump in the night. You can’t really go wrong with these guys, especially this time of year. On top of their horror antics, they actually convey a Gospel message within their songs. Vampires + Jesus = Blaster. Weird combo huh?

2. “Fall Children” A.F.I.

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A.F.I. is one of my favorite bands of all-time. When I feel dark I listen to A.F.I. They actually came out with a Halloween EP a couple of years ago. This song embodies the symmetry of darkness and beauty in Halloween to me.

As the cries start to penetrate still air, this day we celebrate.
The wait now ends.

From four corners smoke plums into reddened sky.
In the face of latern light, my destiny flies.

This day so hallowed, from here to forever its will I will follow.
Tonight will come to life.

Deadened branches stirred by whispers in the wind.
Fall children fill the streets at dusk, at last, it all will begin.

1. “Halloween” The Misfits

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When I think of Halloween I think of The Misfits. I bet they actually formed a band just so they could play shows on Halloween. This song is Halloween’s Punk Rock Anthem. Sing it loud if the lyrics don’t disturb you.

Bonfires burning bright
Pumpkin faces in the night
I remember Halloween

Dead cats hanging from poles
Little dead are out in droves
I remember Halloween

Brown leafed vertigo
Where skeletal life is known
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Burning bodies hanging from poles
I remember Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Candy apples and razor blades
Little dead are soon in graves
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Burning bodies hanging from poles
I remember

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween
Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Candy Apples and Razor Blades...

As Halloween quickly approaches I feel the darkness within my soul illuminate with life. All Hallow's Eve is my favorite holiday. I like everything about it, except for the demon worship and satanic sacrifices, but that's old wives tales. Well, not really.

Anyway, I think so many people are drawn to Halloween due to the controlled fear. We like to be scared in an exciting way. It's like riding a rollercoaster. We know it's going to be intense, but we'll come out on the other side alright.

One of my few problems with Halloween though is the lack of good haunted houses that are out these days. Maybe they were always lame and I was just a kid. That's probably the truth, but I didn't like most of them back then either. I do recall a radical haunted maze when I was a kid that we would frequent every year. That maze raised the bar for my haunted house experiences. It's never been matched. That was 12 years ago.

As I've gotten older it's not so much about the trick or treatin' anymore, but about the costume parties. Friends have them every year and we get pumped about them. I can't tell you what the lady and I are going to be this year, but it's going to be great. I'll post some pictures when we have them complete.

What I do want to get down to though is a Top 5 All-Time Favorite Horror Movie List.

Johnny C's TOP 5 Horror Movies of All-Time (this list is subject to change from time to time):

1. Halloween - I love Michael Myers. He's my favorite slasher movie star. What makes him so great is how intelligent he is without ever speaking. The first two installments we're glorious, but then the third one was some retarded movie not even about MM (Michael Myers, not Magazine Man). they we're forgiven for their sins in Halloweeen 4 though. Michael returned in all of his glory!

2. 28 Days Later - I honestly think this is the most realistic zombie movie ever made. Cillian Murphy who was in Red Eye and played the Scare Crow in the new Batman movie is the lead role. It's low-budget, but still very realistic. If you've never seen it. Rent it or Netflick it ASAP!

3. The Thing - I've never seen the original that came out in the early 50's, but my Dad saw it when he was a kid. He said it scared the shit out of him. Any movie that scares my Dad is worth checking out. I saw John Carpenter's remake a couple of years ago and I thought it was very well put together. Kurt Russell does an excellent job and if your friends ever start acting strange you might want to put a hot iron on their blood.

4. Dawn of the Dead Remake - The original Dawn of the Dead was a great movie, but it was still made in the 70's and really cheesy. The remake that came out a couple of years ago is still cheesy because it's a bloody zombie flick is still pretty entertaining.

5. Silver Bullet - This is kind of a new one that I'm throwing into the mix, but I loved this movie when I was a kid. It was one of those movies that they played on USA on Sunday afternoons. I so happened to be watching USA one Sunday Afternoon and came across a classic.

Silver Bullet is a werewolf horror movie. It's prerry sweet because the little boy who combats the werewolf is in a wheelchair. His uncle who I think is Gary Busey, I don't have the movie in front of me, makes him a super wheel chair which is more like a fucking race car. It's a fun movie. Check it out!

Honorable mentions:

Shaun of the Dead is witty and completely knocks zombie horror. It's english comedy at it's best. It actually kind of gets a little scary, if you're a girl.

Scream is a total pop culture horror movie, but we can't let that take away from how it helped redefine horror. It was a smart story with a great twist. It was pretty fucking gruesome as well. I actually don't like to watch the opening scene because it's a little upsetting. I know, I've gotten soft over the years.

If anyone else has some horror movies not listed on here feel free to share them with me. I'm all about adding to the collection.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Creepy.

After completing a good bit of house work this morning I decided to try and delete my hotmail account. As I was going through my msn I came across a quick horoscope setting that had my horoscope.

Here's what it said:

CancerCancer
June 21 - July 21
Without a doubt, there is a lot of work to be done around the house. With today's planetary configurations, you feel especially vested in making your home look its best. But you don't have to get everything done today, dear Cancer. Rather than scrubbing floors and dusting furniture, why not invest in a few inexpensive items that will perk the place up a bit? A few area rugs and scatter pillows could make a big difference!

I believe in astrology to a certain extent, but I think horoscopes are silly.

Maybe I should start reading it daily?

Friday, October 21, 2005

101 Things you could care less about - excluding dalmatians.

I've seen some people doing this around the web and it's an easy out for a post.

Viewer discretion is advised:

  1. My favorite soft drink is Diet Dr. Pepper.
  2. One of my feet is pigeon toed.
  3. I’ve worked for some sort of motivational speaker for the majority of my adult life.
  4. I’m still not motivated.
  5. I was mistaken for an albino when I was a kid.
  6. I’m still pissed about the UK/Duke game in the ‘92 NCAA tournament.
  7. I played Donkey Kong on IBM’s first PC when I was 5.
  8. I wore nothing but black clothing for two years straight.
  9. I also colored my hair black for those years as well.
  10. I’m afraid of heights.
  11. I get sick talking about blood/needles/surgery.
  12. I made out with a girl in a graveyard in England.
  13. I have short arms and legs and my hands are way too small for my size.
  14. I have a long torso.
  15. Intuition is my super power.
  16. I have an unhealthy obsession with girls who have red hair.
  17. Nothing surprises me anymore.
  18. I can run a mile without stopping no matter what shape I’m in.
  19. I’m too competitive.
  20. Donatello and Michaelangelo are my favorite Ninja Turtles.
  21. I can eat Mexican food everyday of the week.
  22. I’ve never fought back in a (fist) fight.
  23. I was only one full belt away from my black belt when I quit Tae Kwon Do.
  24. I’m good/decent at every game you can play in a bar.
  25. When people say “anyways” instead of “anyway” it drives me up a fucking wall.
  26. I’ve never driven up a wall.
  27. I can juggle.
  28. I can’t dive.
  29. I go to the chiropractor twice a week.
  30. I’ve known my best friend for 16 years.
  31. I can play the bass guitar.
  32. I’m related to Patsy Cline.
  33. I have a healthy hatred for pop radio country music.
  34. I use to wish I was a mutant when I was a kid.
  35. I willed myself to be the tallest person in my family.
  36. I do not like reality television.
  37. I do not like MAC/Apple snobby attitudes.
  38. I don’t like dance clubs.
  39. I prefer dark beer over any other alcoholic beverage.
  40. I can shoot Jager like a champ though.
  41. I despise whiskey.
  42. I can admit it when I’m wrong.
  43. I’m honestly a good driver.
  44. My favorite car that I’ve owned was a ’92 Volvo 940.
  45. I was born premature.
  46. My mom resuscitated me twice. She saved my life.
  47. I was the MVP of the JV basketball League my freshman year of high school.
  48. “Pistol” Pete Maravich is my favorite basketball player of all time.
  49. Between Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, I pick Michael Jordan.
  50. I quote movie lines on a daily basis.
  51. I’ve only been dumped twice, bitches.
  52. I’ve hung out with people on the same day that they’ve died.
  53. I’m afraid of death.
  54. I’ve preached in a church before.
  55. I’ve preached on TV before. (No, I wasn’t asking for money.)
  56. I don’t let people take advantage of me.
  57. I love the south.
  58. I curse way too much.
  59. I still listen to Punk Rock.
  60. I’m one of the last two people in my group of friends who doesn’t have a tattoo.
  61. Johnny Cash is my hero.
  62. I’m getting a Johnny Cash tattoo.
  63. I unfortunately started smoking again.
  64. I’ve been playing War Craft 3 for three years and I still get my ass kicked by 12 year olds.
  65. I’m Irish through and through.
  66. My parents got divorced when I was 20.
  67. I’ve never seen a ghost. I’ve heard one before.
  68. I love history.
  69. I am Math’s redheaded stepchild.
  70. I don’t like rebel flags.
  71. I like northern accents.
  72. I liked Howard Dean.
  73. I didn’t eat at Waffle House until I moved to the South when I was 16.
  74. I didn’t drink on my 21st birthday.
  75. I’m still afraid of my Dad.
  76. I always think I’m going to die every time I board an airplane.
  77. I was sitting in a cubicle on 9/11. I went home at noon that day.
  78. I’m obsessive compulsive about setting my alarm clock.
  79. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
  80. I’m better at video game bowling than I am at real bowling.
  81. I hate drugs.
  82. There is at least one road, high school and university that bear the same name as me.
  83. I want to hang out with Bill Clinton in a bar.
  84. I didn’t have my driver’s license until I was 18.
  85. Due to not having a license I was once given the nick name “Stuck at the Waffle House Johnny on the Spot”.
  86. I don’t have a gas cap door on my vehicle.
  87. I have 10,418 songs on my ipod.
  88. I graduated from an Independent Study School with Honors.
  89. I’ve known someone who was possessed by a demon.
  90. I use to live in a haunted house.
  1. I’ve never broken a bone.
  2. I chipped my teeth on a beer bottle at an Andrew W.K. concert after I fought my way on to the stage.
  3. I’ve had songs written and recorded about me by an ex-girlfriend.
  4. I own over 150 DVD’s.
  5. I always tip at least 20% whether the server did a good job or not.
  6. I’ve had my septum pierced twice.
  7. I was born in Florida.
  8. England is my favorite place I’ve ever been.
  9. I’ve had beer for breakfast.
  10. I’ve never been fired from a job.
  11. I saw “Webster” in a parking lot once and laughed at him.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

In Which I Am Posting Like Magazine Man...

All of a sudden something clicked in my head, “Where’s my wallet?”

I checked my pockets and my current surroundings, which was underneath my chair on my friends’ front porch.

Nothing.

I went in the house and retraced my steps and wound up in the bathroom because that was the only reason I had gone into their house this evening.

Nothing there either.

I walked back out to my friends’ car and check the street on my way.

Not in the car.

Not in the street.

I jumped back into my car and drove up to Daddy D’s BBQ where I last recall having my wallet since I had paid for dinner about 45 minutes earlier.

Middle Aged waiter hadn’t seen it. It wasn’t under the table where I was sitting. I left my number just in case they came across it.

“Hmm…where the hell did I leave my wallet?”

In years passed I can count on one finger ever losing anything of this much importance in my life. I lost my cell phone at work some months ago, but managed to find it on my friends’ desk at work. A cell phone doesn’t compare to a wallet that contains a drivers license, credit cards, social security card (no lectures, I know I’m not supposed to carry it with me) and my insurance cards.

I’m just so good about keeping track of my valuables.

I decide to go back to my friends’ house and start interrogating. I start with my friend Leigh.

“Leigh, have you seen my wallet. I can’t find it anywhere.”

She shrugged and replied, “No, but some guys walked by when you were in the bathroom asking if any of us lived in Kennesaw.”

“What?!?”

“My license is registered in Kennesaw because my Dad lives there!”

“Johnny, I had no idea. I didn’t know where he lived.”

To Leigh’s defense she did just move here and she’s not familiar with the suburbs of Atlanta.

I decide to move on to my friend Daniel. He replied with the same response. Daniel knows I lived in Kennesaw though. I think he’s playing a trick on me.

I stare him down.

“Give me my wallet!!”

“What?!?” He looked puzzled.

“Give me my wallet motherfucker.” It’s a term of endearment.

He didn’t have it.

He wasn’t amused at me cursing at him. Neither was I that he didn’t have my wallet. I proceed to freak out about two strange men picking up my wallet and high tailing it down the street.

For all I know they had already started draining my back account. The little money that I do have was now being spent on 900 numbers and crack rock! I don’t have a problem with those things, but if my money is being spent on it I want a piece of the action.

I decide to start walking down the street. This is good for a number of reasons:

  1. I might actually find the men who found my wallet and be able to stop them from funding their ridiculous drug habits at my expense.
  1. I’m an asshole when I’m bothered/upset/pissed/worried/afraid that my money is being spent on crack whores.
  1. The exercise is good for my blood circulation and I like walking.

I walked a couple of blocks and the streets are empty. It’s getting late and it’s already dark outside. I start circling nervously pondering what the hell I’m going to do since I now, do not have anyway to get money and now I’m a nameless person in society since the proof of my existence, other than my passport was in that wallet.

Thoughts of being homeless start entering my mind. It’s scary. I’ve never eaten at a soup kitchen before.

Then the idea of having no identity starts to appeal to me. Michael Knight didn’t have an identity and he got to fight crime and drive that awesome car Kit on the hit TV show Knight Rider.

Fuck yeah! I’ll have no identity and it will rule!

Then reality kicks in...

I start freaking out again…

Then at my deepest darkest point of disgust and hatred for humanity Leigh comes walking down the street. She’s puts her arm around me. I keep my hands in my pockets. We start walking down the street again. The quest is back on, but I’m still pissed. She’s talking game plans for finding my wallet and I’m cursing under my breath at the fact that I’ll probably never see my wallet again.

“Johnny, there are some restaurants down here. Maybe those guys were going to eat.”

She’s right. Not to mention the fact that Leigh actually saw these wallet snatchers. She can ID them. Maybe I’ll get my wallet back and be able to fight crime at the same time I’ll still have an identity then, but who cares David Hasselhoff had bad hair and made gross music anyway.

As we move down the street I begin to hope that the two men who had acquired my wallet are gay. I have no idea why this thought entered my mind, but it seemed like a nice thought. Gay men stereotypically have more money than me and are usually decently honest in matters like these. I would rather them pick it up than say a homeless person who only wants cash and after realizing there isn’t any in my wallet decides to discard it into a storm drain.

Once we got down the street we start entering restaurants. Leigh runs into some ice cream parlor looking shop and gets a dumb founded look from the patron working behind the counter. Damn it! The guys who found my wallet apparently didn’t stop for a scoop of cookies n’ cream.

We cross the street and go into the pizza parlor/bar. I go straight for the bar tender. That’s the sensible place to drop off a wallet.

He’s clueless.

I glanced into the dining room and Leigh is speaking with two men sitting at a booth. They look kind of super. And what’s this, they’re handing her something.

Is it a piece of pizza?

Is she getting some phone numbers from the local hotties?

There’s no way in hell that these are the dudes. I gave it a 7% chance of finding my wallet. Has the other 93% been defied? Does God answer prayers over lost wallets even when the person praying has been cursing the day he was created for the last 30 minutes?

I make my way over to the table and Leigh hands me a black wallet. I flip it open. The driver’s license has a picture of a stunning young gentleman who name happens to be Johnny C. Surely, this can’t be my wallet. (It is your wallet dumb ass and stop calling me Shirley.)

I stand there for the next 20 seconds with my jaw on the floor. Leigh rejoices. I’m still standing there. I look at the guys and say the second most sincere “Thank you” I’ve ever uttered. I’m still standing there.

“Holy Shit!”

I’m still standing there.

“Johnny, buy them some drinks.”

I wake up. “You guys want a round of beers?”

They declined. I took a closer look. They were gay.

I rejoice in my heart.

Leigh rejoices.

The homosexual community rejoices.

The Angels in Heaven rejoice.

Life is good.

Friday, October 14, 2005

"You'll be dead!"

I was walking through the hallway by the reception area at work
yesterday when the lady behind the counter stopped me.

"Johnny C., you have a package up here."

I glanced down at a box with my name and address neatly typed on a
little white piece of paper. There wasn't a return address to be
found. It was here. My beloved #38 was finally going to be mine. I
could now complete the set of the first 44 Episode III action figures.

I found an unpleasant surprise when I opened the box though.

It exploded!

I blacked out when shrapnel hit me in the face. I was rushed to the ER
where they managed to save my sight, but my boyishly good looks have
forever been revoked. Actually, I only received a few cuts and
scrapes.

The package wasn't from Magazine Man, but from a terrorist sleeper
cell
that had infiltrated my Gmail account and had intercepted my
address when I e-mailed it to Magazine Man so that he could send me
#38.

The good news is that the bomb didn't fully detonate. The FBI said
that it was a three section bomb, but only one section went off. Other
than the cuts on my face I was alright so they released me this
morning.

I asked why terrorists would want to fuck with me? They didn't really
have an answer except that I wasn't the first person to have this
happen to them. A couple of other cases they had come across in the
Atlanta area had been fatal. I lucked out.

Al-Qaeda has been claiming responsibility for these attacks. That's
what the FBI has been assuming with my case as well. A full scale
investigation has been launched to find those responsible.

Currently, my apartment building is under heavy surveillance and will
probably remain that way for the next month due to yesterday's surreal
events. The office has closed down until further notice to make sure there isn’t anything life threatening on the premises.



Wow. That went a little too far. I hope none of you all believed that.


Anyway, check out the Legend that is the AT-TE Tank Gunner! When discussing Star Wars your thumbs must always be up, along with a smile on your face.

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Check out the lunch box that I got as an added bonus for being a faithful reader and baby sitter when MM and HLS want to go out for a night on the town.

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Here's the side of the lunch box that hs a light saber penetrating it's metallic confines!

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And the back of it with a totally sweet space fire fight!

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This is the Han Solo figure that has the media invite on the back of it! It's glorious!

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Here's the rest of the media info that came with it. The CD contains screen shots from the trilogy.

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I honestly feel bad for everyone else in this auction. I think I ran away with it. I mean, yeah Allisa got a ring, but everyone got one of those rings with their stuff as well. Oh well, better luck next time everyone!

Magazine Man, you should wear a cape. Thanks for delivering the goods!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"For every push forward, I get the same fucking push back."

I'm sure at some point in everyone's life they wake up one morning and say to themselves,

"Where the hell am I and how did I get here?"

Sometimes this question is asked after a night of sinning and debauchery. I have asked myself that question only a couple of times after one of those wild and crazy nights, but this morning as I was driving to work I wondered how I got myself into this predicament. Realizing that I was not the one at fault here, but maybe it is my fate and destiny and I pray to God or Buddha, or whoever handles Karma that they’re not just getting me back for fucking up in another life or possibly earlier in this one.

This is how I’ve felt in a round about way for about the last year.

As I sit here typing though I honestly am relieved at God’s sense of humor. I believe everything happens for a reason. Therefore worrying doesn’t make anything better. Why not go with the flow or roll with the punches? “Punches” seems to be a more definitive word right now to describe what has been going on. Like they say though, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?

I’m at that point where I’m excited to see what the next step is. A lot of times as we go through the lull and boredom of life we never expect the next sharp curve. Well, I’m expecting it and also looking forward to it.

My life changes every December/ January, only a couple more months to see what’s going to happen to me. Stay tuned!

Note to reader – This post is about enduring the hardships of working for a company that use to employ me, but I resigned from them. The new company I work for bought them (the old company I worked for) out and I now have the same bosses that pigeon holed me at my last job. This has been going on for almost a year. I’m not bitter anymore though, just fucked. I honestly find it amusing, humorous and revolting all at the same time.

I’m going to pull the trigger if they buy out the next company I work for. Maybe I should just go into the adult entertainment industry. No, I’m not going to be a porn star, you perverts. I would direct.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I'm dying and other random, little, and uneventful happenings

Ok, I'm not really dying, but then again aren't we all dying a little bit each day?

This is our busy season at work. Conferences out the Yin-Yang. That's what I do, if you didn't already know. I make sure everything that we use at an event is there. That could be product that we sell to credit card machines that we use to charge our customers. I think my official title is Event Shipping Coordinator.

Most of the time it isn't so bad, but when you have to ship out everything for a conference that is going to have an attendance of 8,000 it can get a little of out of control. That event was last week and two weeks before that was another one of our larger events. We're getting ready to get slow now since the Holidays are speedily approaching. I like that.

I think i'm going to be getting another job here soon though. Hopefully, we'll meet this week concerning that opportunity. It's with the same company so the transition shouldn't be too painful.

In terms of dying, I went to the Doctor on Thursday to get checked out. My hands had been going numb and I had some other concerns. Everything was related back to my hypoglycemia and anxiety. You might not have known, but Johnny C. can get a little stressed and now he doesn't have his ciggies to get him through since he hasn't smoked in 8 weeks and 3 days.

I just have to relax though. Easy enough, right? Wrong, I get stressed about the weirdest things. I just have to cool it. The two ways i've learned to cool it is through running and reading. Faith based books help alot. Ones that aren't religious. Don't give me rules and laws. I don't do those well.

Donald Miller who is well-known in the Christian community for writting "Blue Like Jazz" has recently written another book called "Searching for God Knows What". This book is glorious. It's all about approaching God as a being instead of Him being an idea or a set of rules. God isn't a formula. He's to big for that. It's quite freeing. No condemnation.

Here a couple of some other joys that have recently been introduced into my life:

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This figure is almost as hard to find as the AT-TE Tank Gunner. I can't believe I came across him. I could probably sell him on E-bay for $50. I bought him for $6 at Target.

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I was at the grocery store last night and came across this delight. I've been missing good tea, especially Arizona since I stopped eating sugar. Then I realized last night that there is a God that loves me. I bought 4 large bottles of this stuff. I also got the blueberry green tea.

Now that I have this post out the way, back to my regularly scheduled lazy Sunday.

Take Care!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Meet Lawson

A challenge to do a good deed was placed before me by The Mag Man.

What would I get in return for this good deed?

My beloved # 38. The AT-TE Tank Gunner from the first wave of Star Wars Episode III action figures. Yeah, he's just a clone trooper, but that mofo is so hard to find. Since MM has promised him to me I have actually encountered #38's presence, but decided to hold out since MM was sending him my way. Plus, it was way over priced at a toy show.

I considered many different roads for my good deed. I could lend my body over to hard work and labor, but then I realized that I do that every day at my job. I also thought about hooking a homeless person up with a home made survival kit that would inculde many delightful items, but that didn't satisfy my hunger. I also considered going to the strip club to donate some money, but that didn't seem very tasteful.

After deep contemplation of how I could make the world a better place, I came across my new friend Lawson on the Make a Child Smile Website. Lawson is 3 years old and has severe hypoglycemia. I myself also have hypoglycemia, but I wasn't stricken with this blasted condition until this past year. As I was able to rot my teeth out on candy as a little boy, Lawson will never be able to do that. That's just a damn shame. He's had many complications as a toddler, but he's managed to pull through. Feel free to read his story on their website.

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As I was going over his page I discovered that Lawson has a love for Superheroes. I also have a love for things that are super, specifically heroes. Lightning struck my brain, much like it did The Flash, and my good deed came to my mind. As I shall receive a glorious action figure. I will pass the love onto Lawson. He may not be able to have candy, but my God he will have the Justice League!

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I'm sending this out to Lawson tomorrow. I think he'll like it!

Doing a good deed so that you might receive something in return is always a sweet deal. Since thinking about this, it's made me realize that we should do good deeds everyday, for free. I'm a nice guy and have done my fair share of good deeds and non-profit work over the years, but you can never do enough. I think one of the greatest things about life and humanity is the fact that you can bless someone different every day of your life and never run out of people who could use some love.

Thanks for the opportunity MM. I hope everyone else has enjoyed this as much as I have. Let's not let it stop with a fun auction.

Oh by the way, any bids on that Doggie Poo book yet? The wife was interested in it.

Friday, September 30, 2005

"I.O.I.F."

“Hello sir, Welcome to Wachovia. How are you doing today?”

“Oh, I’m doing good. It’s Friday.”

Fuck yeah, it’s Friday random stranger guy at the bank. You’ve got the right idea. We should go and get rowdy at some dive bar right now if I didn’t have to go back to work.

I wrote a post sometime back with the idea that you can get away with anything you want on Friday. It’s true. Do whatever non-socially acceptable thing you want to do on Friday and when someone gives you a look of disgust, just smirk and say,

“It’s ok, it’s Friday.”

I have actually brought this philosophy over into my everyday life. I’ll say something crass or make a one-fingered hand gesture at work and they’ll look at me and say,

“Johnny, it’s not Friday.”

I simply reply with, “Everyday is Friday in my world Mother Fucker.”

Well, drop the mofo part and that’s the whole truth.

Since today is really Friday though, I’ve been pondering what I could possibly get away with. Granted, I did arrive 1.5 hours late for work today so I’ve got that going on.

This post was originally supposed to be about my good deed for the “Magazine Man - pay it forward for Haley Joel Osment (he looks like he has down syndrome now) because he died in the movie, because they wanted to fuck with our emotions - crap give away extravaganza fest 2005”

But then again, “It’s ok it’s Friday” will definitely work right about now because I’m drawing a blank about how I’m going to hook someone up. I don’t have a Mercedes to give away and I don’t pack heat in hospitals, so I’ll have to get creative.

Maybe I could do a give away of my own for retribution of what I am(might be) receiving, but then again most the people who read my blog are amazingly, glorious females for some reason and I really don’t have anything that great for such classy ladies. Plus, I don’t have the surplus of C.R.A.P. that Mag Man has acquired over the years.

Any ideas for a good deed, so Johnny C. can get his toy to finally complete his Star Wars Action Figure Collection (well, it’s not the complete set, but it would be the first 48 of the Episode III set, that’s pretty good right?)?

note: 7 weeks without smoking.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

"How long...How long..."

I got into a slight argument with a co-worker this morning at work.

It went a little like this:

Co-Worker: (while looking through my Ipod) “You have bad taste in music?”

Johnny C.: “What are you talking about? You don’t even know who half the bands are on my Ipod.”

Co-Worker: “No, because you said U2 sucked.”

Johnny C.: “U2 used to be good, but Bono focuses too much on politics these days, which is a good thing.”


His phone rings and he has to go back to his desk. I make up derogatory lyrics that bash U2 and sing them to the tune of “Vertigo”.


In the 2000 cult classic film High Fidelity that stars John Cusack, Jack Black’s character, Barry says one of the greatest lines to Rob (Cusack) in music movie history.

“Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?”

I’ve been laughing at that line for the last 5 years.

So am I being unfair to U2 for their latter day sins? Some people would say so because they don’t believe that U2 can do any wrong. If Bono recorded himself in the bathroom with a case of explosive diarrhea they would purchase the album and go see that “shit” in concert, literally and figuratively speaking.

I need objective opinions in matters like these. I honestly think I am objective on the issue because I do like U2. I don’t think that any of their records are completely awful, but what a great height they have fallen from. Can you seriously compare How to dismantle an atomic bomb to The Joshua Tree, The Unforgettable Fire or even Rattle and Hum? See what I’m talking about?

Now I understand that when a band puts out a record that you need to have an open mind and appreciate their progress, but what about their digression? Am I supposed to sit back and smile pretty while a band goes down hill? I love the Rolling Stones, but do I own their 1995 album Stripped? No, I do not. Why do I not own it? Because it’s not The Rolling Stones to me. It’s old dudes who should’ve retired a long time ago having fun. I give them credit because they’re doing what they love and they’re having a good time doing it.

This is why I continue to support U2. I like them and I like what they used to do, but I’m just not going to pay $100 to go and see them play new material that doesn’t come close to what they were once capable of.

I’m going to go ahead and answer Barry’s question. I think it is unfair to criticize bands for their latter day sins because they’re doing what they love, but I think it is fair to criticize if they don’t know to quit while they’re ahead.


Note: I’d like to hear some opinions on this matter.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Geek Out 2005!

I've been the biggest geek lately, naturally.

A co-worker of mine loves Smallville. I loved Smallville, but was behind with the storyline since I never watch TV. He was gracious enough to lend me Season 3. I watched it over a couple of weekends. Now that season 4 is out I just need to go through those and I'll be good to go.

Since talking about Smallville we've started talking about comic books. Particularly the "Kingdom Come" series where Superman, the rest of The Justice League as well as a slew of other Super Heroes retire due to a new generation of Super Heroes gaining popularity through being ruthless and actually killing all of the bad guys. Along with being ruthless these characters are reckless and fuck up a bunch of shit over a 20 to 40 year period. Superman comes out of retirement and shit gets crazy! Anyway, with all of that said I've been buying comic books again lately. I actually bought the "Kingdom Come" graphic novel and a couple other comics that continue the series.

On top of reading comic books again, I also went to a toy convention on Sunday, by myself. I wanted to see if they had any Ninja Turtle paraphernalia that I didn't have. They didn't deliver. They had a lot of Star Wars and G.I. Joe crap, but most everything was over priced and not that great. I managed to buy my brother's birthday present early this year since they had some Evil Dead Action Figures.

Moving forward, I was recently given two old school handheld video game systems: The Sega Lynx which came out in '89 and a Game Boy Advance. I currently don't have any Game Boy Advance games, but I'm going to be looking on E-bay very soon for those. The Lynx came with about 15 games which include the likes of Rampage! That game used to rule my fucking life. If you're not familiar with this glorious invention of a game, you basically are scientists that turned themselves into monsters and you destroy city blocks! You smash buildings, eat people and destroy everything you can before the buildings come tumbling down. You ladies out there may not appreciate the gloriousness that is Rampage, but i'm sure the guys know what I'm talking about.

I've already covered at least three geeky areas, but it gets worse. Since buying my new Ipod last Friday it has been my mission in life to put as much music as possible on this device. I have managed to upload 9,393 songs thus far. I still have room for at least 5,000 more songs. The only problem with having so much music to listen to is that I never know what to listen to. It's very overwhelming so I usually end up putting it on shuffle and treat it like a radio.

I also bought the car connection for the Ipod so I won't have to listen to the radio anymore or carry CD's with me. The only problem with this is that I'm always fiddling with the damn thing. I learned how to drive in Atlanta so I'm already accustomed to eating, drinking, smoking, talking, exercising and playing shuffle board in the car with ease while I drive, but for some reason this action tends to take my focus off the road more than anything else. I might just need to put it on shuffle when I get in and leave it at that.

Here's to safe driving and rockin' out!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

9-5

Holy Shnikes, I'm busy as a MoFo.

Work is kicking my ass and inviting it's friends and loved ones to do so as well. It's obvious I am not fond of my job, but I'm having a good time. I'm not letting BS get to me this week. I pretty much got hosed on a job opportunity, but ironically another one opened up. The manager of the Dept. is actively pursuing me on the position as well. I mentioned that I was interested today and she already spoke with my boss: He gave a thumbs way up recommendation. She also set up a meeting scheduled for tomorrow with the VP of the company to talk over the pro's and con's of me switching roles. She's not messing around.

Whatever may happen with this job, It's nice to finally get appreciated. I wasn't even looking for a new job. I kind of decided after being hated on in a round about way last Friday, that I wasn't going to actively pursue anything here on my own. I was actually inquiring about a position for my roommate when this other position was mentioned to me. I guess the good Lord has other plans for me.

I like not stressing and good things falling into my lap. It strengthens my faith in God and humanity.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

A Mind Awake before 8AM.

Man, what's the deal?

During the work week I can barely manage to get myself out of bed before 8AM, but the last two days I've find myself wide awake as the girl goes to work. She leaves to be at work by 7AM and Johnny C. hops up and starts surfing the web shortly after. I was actually going before she left this morning.

I just need some coffee and I'll be good to go. I'm addicted to coffee now. I quit the sticks of certain death and illness and picked up darkness in a cup. I fucking love coffee. The wife(we're not married, but I still call her that) works at Starbucks and I didn't use to take full advantage of it, but now I hook it up like it's going out of business. Shit, I buy coffee anywhere. I don't discriminate.

So what's going on with Johnny C?

I had one of those Fridays where I just wanted to reach my arm out across my desk and with one quick swipe, throw everything to the floor in a crashing heap of destruction that would've only brought semi-relief to my headaches of the work place. I opted not to do that, but to just come home and get drunk at 6PM and play Halo 2 for an hour. Not only did I make the right decision, but it was glorious.

It got kind of weird though, because the next thing I remember The Wifey comes over and I wake up not knowing who she is or where I am. On top of that I'm naked. I quickly come to it and she's slightly amused at the fact that I'm passed out in my bed...naked...at 7PM. I recall getting naked, but not really laying down.

Moving on, we decided to go to Best Buy. I love that fucking store. Not to mention I have a Best Buy Credit Card which is bad news in and of itself, but I like to refer to it as my Club Card Membership. I almost feel like I have to buy something everytime I go there. Isn't it mandatory if you're a club member?

I love walking in and seeing all of my "friends" wearing their blue and yellow polo's. I know they've been waiting all day just to see how I was doing and if they can help me find anything. I let them find me all kinds of things. We talk about the specs of the newest lap top and they show me why HDTV is better than your regular ole' TV set. I don't know what I would do without them.

I made the decision though to upgarde my ipod. I had a 20g ipod, but came to the conclusion that it wasn't big enough for me. I managed to sell it to my part-time guy at work for $200. He wanted to buy an ipod nano for the same price. $200 for 1000 songs!?! Sounds like Bull Shit to me. I would much rather buy a used ipod from a friend for the same price, but get 5000 songs. I'm hooking him up on Monday.

I got the BAMF POD. They actually write that on the box of the new ones. The "Bad Ass Mother Fucker" 60g IPOD! The week I was in LA I was with my bestfriend who recently got a 60g and I realized what I was lacking in my life, only having a 20g. I knew I had to make the switch when I got home. So here I sit with 60g's of hard drive space in my face(I had to write that).

Who knows what I'll put on it. Shit, I can even put wacky pictures of Magazine Man playing with his kids on it if I want. That's right, it's a Goddamn photo album too. I might even start doing an ipod photo picture of the week.

Send me your pictures and i'll show the world. (I'm only partially joking).

Kevin, send me a picture with you and your ipod and other Mac products and it'll grace my page. Elaine, you and the diet soda could be on here as well. Sandra, a picture of you rocking out to the Beastie Boys would fit nicely. We could even have a caption that says, "The Sheriff is after me for what I did to his daughter". KFarmer, with the Half Naked Pictures you put on your site who knows what we could conjure up over here at A Mind Awake.

Anyway, I need some coffee.



note to self: Don't make blog entry's before 9AM. People might realize you're a little OOC sometimes. (OOC means fucking out of control. When you say OOC the F-word is silent.)