Thursday, August 24, 2006

Go to Bed - part 2

Regarding the last entry, I think since I was trying to write it while closing up shop at work I some how forgot to add the last part. I think it worked out pretty well, since I don't like to write really long entries.

Anyway, apparently from at least one comment on the last post, our point of view changes regarding bed time as you get older. As my brother was jokingly telling my nephew to go to bed, I kept thinking to myself "I wouldn't mind going to bed as punishment." Maybe I could finally catch up on my sleep. How great would it be to walk into work 15 minutes late and find the boss waiting by your cubicle?

"Johnny C., why the hell are you late?"

"Sorry I'm late, but the school traffic is horrendous."

"That's not good enough. Everyone else managed to make it into the office on time, except you."

"I'm sorry sir."

"Johnny C.! Go to bed!"


I guess if you really think about it though, going to jail is a form of going to bed. You just have to stay there for months to years at a time. Not to mention, you also have to share that bed with some not so nice people.

Alot of things are like that though, remember having to sit at the kitchen table until you ate your vegetables. Now about half of what I eat is of a state of vegetation, no I'm not eating babies.

Life is odd.

I want to go to bed.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Go to bed!

Yesterday was my Dad’s 61st birthday. Trailing behind him quite a ways in age, is my nephew who celebrated his 4th birthday yesterday as well. It’s pretty weird that they share the same birthday. I also have another nephew on the way any day now. I was kind of hoping he would’ve arrived yesterday for obvious reasons. Three birthdays on the same day would been out of control. It would’ve also sucked having to buy three presents every August.

As we were partaking in festivities, they decided to pull one over on my nephew with trick candles. My brother kept on telling him that we couldn’t eat cake until he blew the candles out. After the first few tries he started threatening him with having to go to bed early (Yeah, my brother is a bastard.). Then I realized, after being spanked, having to go to bed early is the worst punishment for a child.

I started to contemplate why that was such a horrible punishment. Beds are soft and comfortable and you get to relax, but to a child this is hell, especially, if everyone else is still awake. You have to go lay in bed and stair at the ceiling and all the grown ups get to watch TV and talk all night long.

That’s the way I looked at it when I was a kid. I could always hear my Mom and Dad laughing and having so much fun. I was convinced that they hard large parties that involved Santa Clause giving out presents and the Easter Bunny handing out large baskets of candy. All while I had to sit in my room and “get some rest”.

In the end, we told my nephew while he was on the brink of tears that it was only a joke and that no one could put the candles out. My family is sick and twisted. That probably explains a lot to some of you, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Snakes on the Brain!

To say that Snakes on a Plane wasn't a masterpiece, would be a lie.

Take the most action-packed movie of all-time and let it fuck the most susepenseful flick ever, add Samuel L. Jackson and you have the Zeus of all mother fuckin' movies.

I can't wait to see Sammy and SoaP sweep the oscars this year. And you thought Lord of the Rings set some records.

The only thing that could've made this movie better, would've been if Chuck Norris had a cameo.

Hell Yeah!!!

Rock Out Mutha Fucka!!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Jimmy the Cab Driver!

My best friend and I have been joking about Jimmy the Cab Driver commercials for the last 13 years. If you don't know what the hell i'm talking about, it's ok. Let me explain.

MTV had these commercials when I was a kid that starred a greasy New York City Cab Driver. His name was Jimmy. Jimmy would talk to his customers about MTV and the video's that they aired. The one we always joke about is where he talks about the Aerosmith video "Crazy". I'm yet to find it online, but I did find some video's that he did that were anti-Bush. Apparently, they brought his character back for this sole purpose. I've listed them for you below. Enjoy!

Soon and very soon...

I'm one sale away from hitting my sales goal to get the incentive the bosses offered us at the beginning of the month. What is this glorious incentive you might ask? Not the Nintendo DS Lite, but a gift certificate to Best Buy so that I can buy one. I'm also heading out to California in September. I should be getting it right in time for my trip. Between the DS and my Ipod, there won't be a dull moment on the plane. Not too mention the midget juggler that Delta just added to their in-flight entertainment line up.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

"Back to the fact I'm the mac and I know that."

I'm back!

Well, atleast my Ipod is. It all started when my hard drive was erased on my ipod.All of my songs were gone. I had to start over from zero. I got back upto 5,000 songs quickly, but my music library hung around there for a while. My usual music source lived across town and it was hard to get over to his house and take all of the backed up music from his G5.

It's a good thing that I never had the opporutnity to reload the music, because my Ipod started fucking up shortly after it was erased. I took it into the Apple store a few weeks ago and low and behold, it was broken and it wasn't my fault. Oh the glory!

I was very happy about getting a replacement. It had actually been my plan all along. I started pulling music from every computer I could find and the stars aligned and i met up with my G5 friend and got all of his backed up music. I'm not at the highest level of musical volume that I once had, but I'm not far off. 15,000 songs isn't a pipe dream anymore. I'm still holding strong at 11,667 songs.

Friday, August 04, 2006


Jesus Freak

Faith seems to be a reoccurring theme in my writing. Whether I like it or not, I really can’t avoid it. Regardless of my stance on any of it, I’m still somewhat surrounded by it. At least half of my friends believe in God. Some of those closest to me do not believe though. I also work for a company that is “faith-based”. I try to avoid any conversation about faith in the office though. I might get lynched otherwise.

I’ve observed some Christian rhetoric lately and I don’t know if I find it completely hilarious or disturbing. It cracks me up how people can just flippantly throw out a cute catch phrase or some statement about God or faith without really thinking about it.

For example:

“Faith is easy.”

Huh? I’m a little confused on this one. Faith is easy? “Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see” is easy? What about all of the horrible things that happen to people everyday all over the world? I’m sure believing in an all-powerful and all-loving God is really easy for them. It doesn’t seem so easy when you look at it that way.

Yeah, Yeah. I’m sure there is a quick bullet point answer for what I’m saying that you can pull out of a “how to convert a non-believing heathen in three quick steps” book. Life isn’t that easy though. Life consists of more than a three-step program. People are complex and have problems that aren’t going to be solved by saying “Jesus is the answer”. People need to be invested in and not just so you can try and push some religious bull shit down their throats. Faith isn’t something that you can sell over the telephone.

“Hi, is Joe Regular there.”

“This is Joe Regular.”

“Hello Joe Regular. My name is Baptist Billy. I was just calling you today to ask you the most important question ever.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Joe Regular, if you died tonight, do you know where you would spend eternity?”

“Excuse me? Who am I speaking with again?”

“This is Baptist Billy.”

“Do I know you?”

“No sir, you do not know me.”

“Then why are you asking me where I’m going to spend eternity?”

“Because it’s the most important question ever?”

“That’s kind of freaky man.”

“Well Joe Regular. It’s the most important question ever and I didn’t want to beat around the bush. I want to make sure that before I get off the phone with you tonight that you’re going to Heaven when you die.”

“Are you some kind of super freak?”

“No Joe, I’m just a Jesus Freak.”

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature
of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a
meteor, and still owes him a beer.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
was six feet tall and had learned karate.