Monday, October 30, 2006

Imperfection at its best! - continued

I think most religious people or Christians when asked the questions if they think God is perfect or not, they would all say a resounding “Yes!” without hesitation. The rest of the population would either say “no” or say “yes” out of a sense of respect. Kind of like the respect people had for Michael Jordan when he came out of retirement for the second time when he was almost 40. Regardless of how he played everyone still said he was the best.

For the people who say God is perfect out of respect, I get this mental image of how I think they see him. He’s the 50’s something blue collar older man who’s pretty rough around the edges. He puts in a 12 hour work day and when he gets home from work, he just wants to eat his dinner in peace in front of the TV. The night is always capped off with a couple of glasses of scotch before he nods off in front of the tube, just to get up the next day and do it all over again.

The people who respect him are his kids and they don’t mind that he does this because he has always put food on the table and provided everything they ever needed. He missed out on the school play and the championship basketball game, but they know he will always love them despite the fact that they don’t talk much anymore. He’s not perfect, but they grant it to him out of respect, because well, He’s God.

When I look at the whole spectrum of what we call perfect and imperfect I realize that a lot of people need perfect, or at least they think they do. Their friends have to be perfect, their family has to be perfect and they have to have control of everything that they do. Those people run them selves ragged and either end up bitter or hopefully wake up one day and I realize that beauty is truly in the flaw.

Life is messy. People are crazy. Love is fucked up. God, we’re a fucking disgusting bunch, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I used to run myself ragged trying to be perfect, I did it for religion’s sake. One day I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. I walked away from it all, until I realized that being perfect is not the point. It never was. It’s the journey that’s important and not the arrival.

Through discovering that I don’t have to be perfect, it made more sense to me that God truly was perfect. What was my reasoning? Only perfect love could let me off the leash for being so imperfect.

Imperfection at its best!

Nothing in this world is perfect. There are probably a lot of different opinions and thoughts on the matter and many people might think that I’m making a bold statement. Depending on what you want to believe you could alter your perception on just about anything.

For instance, you could say Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time. He won 6 championships in 8 years and even had an 18 month hiatus in there. When he came back he was out of shape and not the MJ of old, but he was still an all-star. The Bulls got knocked out of the play offs, but he worked out harder than anyone else in the off-season and brought glory back to Chicago for the next 3 seasons. Michael Jordan was the perfect player. Larry Bird once even called him “God in basketball shoes”. He was basketball perfection, so to speak.


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To be as dominant as he was he had to be the best, right? Well, he did blow it pretty bad when he came out of retirement. He possibly even hurt his team in the play offs that year. When he did win the championships he was surrounded by a cast of superstars. On a personal level, it was rumored that Michael originally retired, not because he wasn’t challenged anymore, but because his gambling addiction was starting to creep up on him. Could you imagine, MJ not being inducted into the Hall of Fame? Not too mention Mike also had some marriage problems due to his infidelity. Michael Jordan doesn’t seem so perfect anymore. It’s all about perception of what people want to believe. Ignorance is bliss, eh?

Not to sound sacrilegious, but to me, Audrey Hepburn seems more perfect than God. Now how could God’s creation be more perfect than Him. Let me explain. I honestly don’t know a lot about Audrey. I know that she was beautiful, graceful and a person that cared about other people due to her humanitarian efforts that she was involved in before she died. It’s easy for me to see perfection in her because I didn’t know her. I’ve never seen any of her faults. In my mind she is perfect. I’m sure her family and friends knew her faults very well, but I choose to live in my fantasy world because you know what? It doesn’t matter either way. I choose to see perfection where I know imperfection lies.


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Now when it comes to God, I’m sure most people could drone on for days and days about the imperfections of the Bible and the World. God seems to be pretty damned flawed for being the Creator of the universe. Let’s take a look around. There are wars, famine, death, disease hate, greed and you can pretty much name it and it’s going on. We haven’t even started talking about the loop holes of the Bible yet.

The Good Book is supposed to be God-inspired, but there is a non-stop argument over translation and I’m only talking about the English translations. As much as a lot of Christians want to believe, Jesus wasn’t white and he didn’t speak English. Oh and while we’re on the subject, Christianity is actually an Eastern Religion. Don’t tell the church they might get mad. Back to the Bible though, in the Old Testament God was killing people left and right. How can a God of love slaughter so many people? Try telling a non-believer it was because God saw these people as evil.

Moving forward into the New Testament, God sends his “hippie” son Jesus into the world to set us all straight and by the way, He’s also the ultimate sacrifice for our every sin. The Bible either sounds like a Tolkien book or a Metallica song.

Once we start talking about all of this God stuff I start missing Audrey. It’s so easy to analyze a movie star opposed to the omnipotent God. You have to give it to Him though, He has had a lot more exposure then she did.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Do you want to die?

I received an e-mail this morning regarding a friend of a co-worker who passed away. I didn’t know the man, but for whatever reason he passed away, he knew it was coming. I’m sure it was something along the lines of cancer that they can see coming, but in a lot of cases can’t do anything about.

When you hear about stories like his, you always think that it can’t happen to you, maybe it isn’t too surreal for you to imagine and maybe it already has hit home for you. I think I’m some where in the middle. If something like that happened to me, it wouldn’t completely surprise me, but it would still be a shocker. Shocked that death has my number, but like Clint Eastwood says in Unforgiven, “We’ve all got it comin’ kid.” It’s going to happen eventually. Your ticker is going to stop tickin’.

Death is a frightening thing to me. I don’t think that the actual event of dying would be so bad. I’m sure most of us have dealt with pain that made us feel like we were dying. Every time my blood sugar drops and my body reacts and goes into panic mode I feel like I’m shutting down. I know I’m fine, but I imagine death probably feels a lot like that, your body shutting down and all.

I think the worst part about death will be missing out on everything going on here. People who believe in Heaven think that life has just begun as we cross that great divide. I believe in Heaven and God and all that good stuff, but at the same time, I don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe when I die, it is the end. Maybe the soul truly dies. I just can’t imagine not being alive. Not thinking, processing or interacting with everything around me. It will happen on an earthly plain one day though. I hope it carries on somewhere else. Hopefully, that somewhere is pleasant.

This conversation with my self isn’t about whether God or Heaven is real though. I think it’s about taking advantage of the time we have left, “Carpe Diem”, but not in a cheesy way. Well actually, if cheesy does the trick, then I’m OK with cheesy. I personally have a “too cool for school” attitude most the time when it comes to things that are cheesy and sentimental, but honestly, I'm very sentimental. I'm just good at hiding it. When it comes to life and death though, I think anything goes.

We hear it all the time, "Today could be your last day!". Unfortunately, it’s true. Like working in an office, it would probably be good to go ahead and tie up those loose ends and complete that unfinished business. I need to make that phone call. I need to straighten that situation out. I need to pay that debt.

I guess when I walk out that door at the end of the proverbial day. I want my affairs in order, I want a clean house and I don’t want to have any burned bridges with those that matter most to me.



"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

-Gilda Radner

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

"Remembrance"

“Remembrance”

The surrounding forest brought forth the scent of the seasons change as the intuition of the “gathering” reunited us together

The nocturnal ones appeared from hibernation as the sunset in the distance
The protectors of our domain, we reigned in the darkness
Masters of our environment, we owned the land

Looking into the future for the satisfaction that we held in our grasp
Blinded by our youth, we were deceived by our expectations of what was to come
Was the midnight gathering taken for granted?

I will forever cherish it in my heart

The falling of the leaves brought forth a separation
The gathering dispersed once again
Little did we know, it was for the last time

Did we ever say goodbye?
Did we ever say I love you?

Goodbye for now and I will always love you

John Carroll

October 2000

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

From the Horses Mouth...

Back during the '04 presidential campaign I would ask Christians that I knew, who they were voting for. Most of them would say "George Bush, of course!" I would always follow up with a very innocent "Why?"

Honestly, I have no agenda.

I do not wish to change the minds of others to believe what I believe. I believe in God and Jesus, but it's in a very different way than other people who believe in them. My best friend is an athiest. We talk about God and all of the happy crap all the time, but we know that we're not trying to change the other person. We just like to have different perspectives.

So as I was asking people why they were voting for Bush. It wasn't to attack them, but to understand how their minds worked.

"Why am I voting for Bush?" A lot of times they seemed stunned that I asked or they would just blindly answer. "Well, first of all he's a Christian and he's pro-life!" Sometimes, I would play a little bit of the Devil's Advocate and ask them about other issues, but their original answers would usually suffice.

As someone who spent alot of time during the last election pondering what I believed in and who I was going to vote for, it was hard for me to see people make such loose statements without ever thinking for themselves. I guess that's how most of the world operates though.

I have a daily routine during the work week: Come into the office, turn on my computer, check my work e-mail, read the news...

As I was checking out what was going on in the world this morning, I came across a pretty interesting article about Bush and Christian Conservatives. This article was written by the former second-in-command of President Bush's Office of Faith-Based Initiatives.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Free Porn!!

Morality is such an interesting thing to me. The Church and the government these days try to rule people with their iron first of morality and it just makes people want to go and "sin" alot more.

When I went to church, mainly youth group, they would talk to us "guys" about dating, porn and masturbation. All of the guys wanted to date the cute youth group girls. Most of the guys looked at internet porn and all of the guys masturbated. Instead of discussing this in a reasonable manner, which they tried to do, but they were socially and sexually retarded when the issue came up. They tried to use the "Morality Hammer - now with new striking action!!" to change our minds and our hearts.


They would quote scripture about lusting after a woman in your heart and that it was the same as doing it in real life. Most of us wish we could've been doing it in real life, but we were too afraid or to young. Some of the wiser adults would use a grace message, but it still had some good old fashion religion attached to it.

Do I think dating is bad?: no

Do I think Porn is bad?: I don't see anything positive about it really

Do I think choking your chicken is bad?: I can see why the church thinks it's bad because it makes you want to do other things, but since when do I ever agree with the church? To each his own, it's not my business what another man does in his bathroom.

I think the best advice is: the more you focus on not doing something, the more you're going to keep thinking about it and probably keep doing it. If something truly is "sinful" and messing up your life. Try changing the subject and not dwelling on it. I know it's not that easy sometimes, but sometimes it really is.

Also, I feel like the church and the government try to rule for their own benefit. I'd like to think that the Church truly wants to help people or maybe they just want to guilt people into staying longer so they can tithe more.

When it comes to Bush though, I think he will do anything to get what he wants. He uses morality as his battle axe!

Bush: "So Dick, I hear they got poker on the in-ter-net these days. You ever play any"?

Dick: "Nahh. I've been too busy managing all of the money I'm getting from Haliburton and trying to figure out new ways that I can take over the world. Plus, the people can shoot, i mean, play back at you and i'm not one for competition."

Bush: "I think I might try to play. Reminds me of my war dodging days. We'd stay up drinking all night, playing cards and looking at nudie magazines."

Dick: "You know all of those poker sites aren't in the US to avoid getting taxed by us?"

Bush: "Are you fucking serious?"

Dick: " Hell yeah, I am."

Bush: "Those God Damn Heathens, not paying their tithe, I mean taxes to us. That Texas Hold Em' is an immoral sinners game anyway. We need to shut that shit down Dick!"

Dick: "I agree Bush. Let's do that right after we invade North Korea."

Bush: "I'll tell you what I told Laura last night. I like to think with my Dick!"




I guess the moral of this post is: Stop
thinking with your "Dick"!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Directing the directions, after you've been given wrong directions

Sometimes the greatest revelations hit in the most unlikely of places. The bathroom, bars and random parking lots. I like that though. You kind of expect great things to occur in a church, but how often does that actually happen? You never think that something awesome is going to strike you in a bathroom, but i'm usually washing my face or brushing my teeth when the meteor of understanding crashes into the side of my head and "bang", the light turns on and i finally get my heart,soul and mind around something...or atleast start moving in that direction.

Everyone has struggles and failures. We spend our whole life trying to cover up these failures. It feels good to let them all hang out and know that alot of people will still love you regardless. That makes life worth while to know that you don't have to carry the burden anymore and that you can be honest about how you feel. It's amazing that when you open up like that, there is someone usually there that pipes in and says "You too? I thought I was the only one who deals with that."

Let freedom ring.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Monday, October 02, 2006

Last Dance with Mary Jane...

As we all know, when your employer brings in a "consultant" someone is going to get fired. It's inevitable.

My company hasn't brought in one, but believe it or not, the salon my girlfriend assistant manages has. A salon bringing in a consultant? That sounds kind of strange to me, but it never surprises me what companies will waste money on. I believe the "consultant" has been in house for a couple of weeks now weeding out the problems and problem childen of the salon.

My girlfriend got a disheartening text message this weekend from one of the assistants . It more less said that two of the receptionists that my girl manages got fired because they failed a drug test. not that I have anything against it, but since when do salons give random drug tests to receptionists who never appear to be in a drug-induced state? Assuming they give drug tests to everyone in the salon, Ashley is expecting to take one today which she will pass with flying colors. I told her though, if she is given a drug test to ask nonchalantly if everyone in the salon will be given a drug test as well.

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My reason for wondering this is because outside of the food/bar industry, the people that I know who do drugs the most are hair stylists. I'm under the suspicion that the owner of the salon is going to be running a double standard. She wants to appear upright and conservative by testing her receptionists for drug use, but would never in a million years test the stylists who bring shit tons of money into her salon. If she did fire one of them, they would just take their clientele with them. Double standards are a beauitul thing.

By no means do I condone drug-use, but let's make the playing field fair here. If you're going to test one person, you must test them all.