When I was 16 and a devout Christian I use to pray something that went a little like this, :cue the music:
“God, ruin my life for you.”
For those who don’t believe in a higher power that loves you, that just sounds silly and if you do believe then it might actually hit pretty hard. It also might hit a little harder if you lay down some bass tracks behind it, but when you really get down to it that’s a pretty fucking crazy prayer.
It’s easy to be extreme when you’re 16, you want to save the world or blow it up. But that prayer still haunts me to this day, whether God is real or not. Because regardless, I believed then that it was crucial. What would make a person believe in something so passionately that they would feel that way for another possible being or cause? Either it was true or I was being brain-washed. I’ve always felt like it was a little of both.
Thinking back to my prayer it struck me today that the idea of God for some people is love and hope, but for the majority I think God represents confusion, pain and abandonment.
I can understand that though.
Where is God when the shit hits the fan?
Where was God on Monday when some psycho was stalking the classrooms of a major university? That could’ve been any school. Those victims could’ve been anybody.
We could go on forever discussing some of these questions, but that's not really my point.
For some reason or another I still do have faith in an invisible God. Honestly, I can’t explain it. People have berated me and told me all the reasons that it can’t be. I’ve actually dug deeper than they have and told myself all the reasons I shouldn’t believe either. Here I am though, still believing in dragons, unicorns and an invisible God.
Almost 10 years later, thinking about the idea of God ruining my life, I’ve realized that whether He is real or not, I still want my life ruined for the cause and the idea of what He represented to me so many years ago, love and hope.
Life can be pretty fucking depressing sometimes, but despite what may happen or what others may say or think, love is the only thing I can come back to that doesn’t leave me feeling empty.
It may come in many shapes and forms for different people, but you can always spot true love a mile away, kind of like Superman. So if you don’t believe in God believe in comic book heroes. There’s about the same amount of proof to support their existence and they even wear cool, spandex, super suits. God might have one too, but He always seems to be invisible. Maybe he's like a chamelion or even a Predator!Superheroes are usually good though and they tend to have the same values and morals of God, except the Punisher, he's a bad mother fucker, but then again God was too in the Old Testament. So rock on!
It’s good to have hope in something though. For me it might be God, for Yoda and Obi-Wan it was Luke Skywalker and a lot of people just play World of Warcraft and they are their own hope.Unfortunately, no one is going to figure it out for you, but I've always considered that a good thing!